I hate commercials. Thirty seconds after you watch them, you can’t remember who made them or what they were for. But I do have to admit that Rocket Mortgage™ has me hooked. The mortgage company’s recent spate of commercials featuring actor/comedian Tracy Morgan touts, “When it comes to home buying or refinancing, ‘pretty sure’ isn’t sure enough.” I’m pretty sure I can come up with a slew of other uses for the riff: Clothing & Fashion · I’m pretty sure your nipples won’t show in that bikini. · I’m pretty sure I can give you a tattoo. · I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to wear underwear on the inside. ·…
-
-
Promises of Thrills, Chills and Spills for the New Olympics! The International Olympic Committee announces the new line-up of events for the Paris 2024 Olympic Games!
Lausanne, Switzerland — The International Olympic Committee (IOC) stunned the sports world this week by announcing that beginning with the 2024 Summer Olympic Games in Paris, France, they will be changing the line-up of some of the more traditional summer events in favor of newer, more exciting competitions meant to capture the hearts of both the athletes and the viewing public. “The aging menu of our current athletic events in combination with the recent banning of in-person spectators have caused us to take another look at our current list of Olympic events,” said IOC President Thomas Bach. “I mean, hey! Some of these competitions like Greco-Roman wrestling have been around…
-
Where’s Your Sense of Humor? An award-winning author shares how to find humor in everything you write
Every year after winning the Pulitzer Prize for humor, I’m besieged with questions from new writers about how I went about writing my award-winning humor pieces. They run the gamut from “What in the world were you thinking?” to “Were you drunk when you wrote that?” So, to clear up the confusion, I thought I’d take a moment to offer a few suggestions on how to write stunning humor pieces, unlike anything people have seen before. What most non-writers don’t know is writing brilliant humor pieces is infinitely harder than writing non-fiction. The best humor pieces are steeped in research. For instance, my article, The Greatest Stories Never Told was…
-
I Had a Passionate Love Affair with Alexa Until I found out she was seeing other people
Like many other hook-ups on Match.com, my relationship with Alexa started out as a lark. I was lonely and depressed and thought a virtual relationship might be just the thing to pull me out of it. For those of you who aren’t familiar with her, Alexa is a cloud-based software application that acts as your virtual personal assistant and responds to your voice commands — sort of like my ex-wife during the first six months of our marriage. In a nutshell, you use your voice to ask Alexa questions like, “How many nipples does a monkey have?” or “Is Betty White still a virgin?” and she’ll dutifully answer you. You…
-
Billionaires in Space Sir Richard Branson becomes the first to complain about in-space food service and movies
Truth or Consequences, NM — After more than twenty years of planning and rigorous training, Sir Richard Branson became the first British civilian to fly into space today, onboard Virgin Galactic’s Unity22 spacecraft. But it didn’t come without its failures. “I knew things weren’t going right from the beginning,” said Branson. “I had to wait hours at the ticket counter because someone messed up my reservation. I mean, for God’s sake! It’s not like there are thousands of civilian billionaires going up into space on a Sunday morning.” And the problems didn’t end there. Evidently, Branson’s name was targeted on the Department of Homeland Security’s “No Fly” list. As a…
