The Humble Gazette February 8, 2025 By Cornelius Hiram Sproggins Published by The Humble Gazette Humble, Nebraska In a move that has both baffled and astounded political analysts, the Trump administration has announced the creation of the Bureau of Outdoor Recreational Enforcement and Firearms Regulation (BOREFR), an agency that merges the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) with the National Park Service (NPS). This unexpected decision aims to, in the words of one White House aide, “streamline oversight on both guns and gophers.” While officials insist the new agency will increase efficiency, others are less convinced. Dr. Orville Thaddeus Grigsby, a self-proclaimed expert in bureaucratic synergy at Cornstalk…
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Trump Unveils Department of Entrepreneurial Narcotics Advancement A Bold Leap into Uncharted Bureaucratic Synergy
The Corncob Gazette February 8, 2025 By Percival T. Hucklebrim Published by The Corncob Gazette Turtle Spit, Nebraska In a move hailed by some as “visionary” and by others as “deeply disturbing,” the Trump administration announced the creation of the new Department for Entrepreneurial Narcotics Advancement (DENA), a groundbreaking fusion of the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) and the Small Business Administration (SBA). The aim, according to vaguely worded memos, is to “foster innovative synergies between controlled substances and entrepreneurial growth opportunities.” “This is exactly the kind of bold thinking we need in today’s competitive landscape,” declared Dr. Thaddeus Crumplewhit, Professor of Applied Bureaucratic Dynamics at the University of Upper Greater…
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Department Of Unified Nuclear Transportation and Regulatory Infrastructure Launches A Bold Step Into The Future That Nobody Fully Understands
The Crustwood Gazette January 15, 2025 By Orville T. Pendergrass Published by The Crustwood Gazette Crustwood, Iowa In an unexpected announcement that left both experts and regular people equally bewildered, the Trump administration has unveiled a groundbreaking new federal agency: the Department of Unified Nuclear Transportation and Regulatory Infrastructure (DUNTRI). This bold fusion of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC) and the Department of Transportation (DOT) aims to… well, something about streamlining radioactive logistics with enhanced regulatory coherence, or maybe vice versa. According to Dr. Thelma J. Splotnick, Professor of Applied Bureaucracy at the University of Greater Fargo, “This is a monumental step forward. Or backward. It’s hard to say without…
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Trump Administration Announces Bureau of Energy Housing and Livestock Stability “A Bold Creation”
The Toadspit Gazette February 7, 2025 By Percival H. Greeblethorpe Published by The Toadspit Gazette Toadspit, Nebraska In an unprecedented move designed to either streamline government operations or confuse everyone involved, the Trump administration has announced the formation of the Bureau of Energy, Housing, and Livestock Stability—a fusion of the Department of Energy and the Department of Housing and Urban Development, with a surprise cameo by, you guessed it, livestock. “If we can harness cow body heat to power microwaves in urban apartments, then frankly, the future is udderly promising.” – Cletus Farnsworth Wimple According to the hastily typed press release, the Department of Energy and the Department of Housing…
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White House Lawncare Declares Independence Grass Left to Its Own Devices Amid Government Shutdowns
The Spudville Gazette February 7, 2025 By Hiram Thaddeus Greeble Published by The Spudville Gazette Spudville, Nebraska In a historic decision that left horticulturists scratching their heads and squirrels questioning their life choices, President Donald J Trump, following an unprecedented spree of shutting down the DOS, DOT, DOD, DOJ, DOI, USDA, DOC, DOL, HHS, HUD, DOT, DOE, ED, VA, DHS, CIA, EPA, FRS, FCC, FEC, FTC, GSA, NASA, NARA, NLRB, NSF, NRC, OPM, SBA, SSA, USAID, USPS, FBI, DEA, ATF, SS, USMS, SEC, CFTC, FDIC, EXIM, ODNI, NSA, DIA, USAID, ED, and FBI, has taken a bold new step by terminating all grounds maintenance for The White House. This critical…
