Scene 1
Paul Sheldon’s Captivity and the Build-Up
A dimly lit bedroom, stale air thick with dread. A single lantern flickers on the nightstand. Paul Sheldon, sweating, helpless, and bound to the bed, blinks against the haze of pain meds. The door creaks open. Heavy footsteps. Annie Wilkes (played by Roseanne Roseannadanna) enters, her wild hair a frizzed-out halo, her expression unreadable.
Paul Sheldon
Annie… Annie, please. I know you’re upset…
Roseanne Roseannadanna
(nasally, exasperated, pacing)
Oh, ya think?! Paul, lemme tell ya somethin’, ya sit here in bed all day, ya don’t write, ya make a big mess in the bedpan—it’s disgustin’! Like when ya eat a pastrami sandwich, and the mustard drips on ya blouse, and then BAM, the whole day is ruined!
Paul Sheldon
(voice cracking)
I-I can fix the book. I’ll rewrite it. Annie…
Roseanne Roseannadanna
(throwing her arms up)
Rewrite?! Rewrite?! Paulie, ya killed Misery! Killed ‘er! She was right there, breathin’, livin’, wearin’ a nice petticoat, and BAM—you snuffed her out like a cockroach at a deli! And ya expect me to just sit here, twiddlin’ my thumbs like a shmuck?!
Scene 2
The Block and the Dread
Backdrop: Annie shuffles to the foot of the bed, dragging a sledgehammer and a thick wooden block. The kind you’d see at an old butcher shop, stained with years of use. Paul’s eyes widen. His breath hitches. The air tightens, the walls close in.
Paul Sheldon
(desperate, yanking at his restraints)
Annie, Annie. We can talk about this! There’s a better way!
Roseanne Roseannadanna
(grunting, wedging the block between his feet)
Oh, Paulie, Paulie, Paulie. Ya men, always think ya got the better way. Like my cousin Arnie. Arnie thought he was a real genius, puttin’ aluminum foil in the microwave. Next thing ya know—BOOM! We got fireworks in the kitchen and no lasagna.
Paul Sheldon
(panting, trembling)
I don’t like fireworks. Hell, I don’t even like lasagna. Annie please!
Roseanne Roseannadanna
(rolling her eyes, hoisting the massive sledgehammer)
Look, it ain’t personal, kiddo. It’s just that you made a mess. And when ya make a mess, ya gotta clean it up. Now sit still.
Scene 3
Impact—The Breaking Point
Backdrop
The room is dead silent, except for the creaking of the bedframe as Paul thrashes. The weight of the sledgehammer catches the light for a split second before—CRACK!
Paul Sheldon
(screaming, voice ragged)
GAAHHHHH—!
Roseanne Roseannadanna
(wincing, shaking her head)
Oh jeez, would ya quit the yellin’? I mean, c’mon, ya’d think I just made ya eat my Aunt Sophie’s meatloaf or somethin’.
Paul Sheldon
(sobbing, gasping)
You… you broke my ankle!
Roseanne Roseannadanna
(shrugging, lifting the hammer again)
Eh. At least it ain’t both of ‘em.
Scene 4
Post-Horror—The Caretaker Speaks
Backdrop
Paul lies limp, sweat pooling in the sheets. His breath comes in short, ragged gasps. Roseanne dusts her hands off like she just finished kneading dough.
Roseanne Roseannadanna
(huffing, hands on her hips)
Alrighty, now that that’s outta the way, how ‘bout some soup? Chicken noodle? Matzo ball?
Paul Sheldon
(mumbling, barely conscious)
…help… me…
Roseanne Roseannadanna
(brightly)
Oh, don’t be such a baby! In a few weeks, you’ll be walkin’ around like a champ! Probably with a cane like my Uncle Lou! Always pokin’ people in the rear with that thing.
Paul Sheldon
(whimpering, eyes rolling back)
…dear God…
Roseanne Roseannadanna
(leaning in, patting his cheek)
Oh Paulie, ya know what my mother used to say? ‘It just goes to show ya… it’s always somethin’.’ And right now? That ‘somethin’ just happens to be your ankles.
She plops a steaming bowl of soup on the nightstand, grabs her sledgehammer, and walks out humming. The door creaks shut. The lock clicks.
Fade to Black
