Original Premise: Goodfellas (1990) – “As Far Back as I Can Remember…”
Henry Hill’s opening monologue, set to Tony Bennett’s Rags to Riches, paired with the famous freeze-frame of a man being executed, perfectly sets the tone for this mob classic.
Opening Scene
A dark, narrow road at night. A car speeds along, headlights cutting through the blackness. Inside, three men sit in silence. Henry Hill, young and wide-eyed, sits in the front passenger seat. Jimmy Conway drives, calm but focused. Tommy DeVito lounges in the back, fiddling with a switchblade spatula, occasionally checking his reflection in a rearview mirror.
A loud thud is heard coming from the trunk.
Henry: You guys hear that?
Tommy: Nah, probably just the muffler.
Another thud.
Jimmy: That’s either the muffler or one very angry muffler salesman.
They pull over. The car idles on the side of the road, the radio softly playing Roberta Flack’s “Killing Me Softly.”
Jimmy and Henry step out. Tommy dramatically flicks open his spatula. They approach the trunk. Henry hesitates.
Henry: You sure about this?
Jimmy: It’s a trunk, kid, not a haunted house.
Tommy raps his knuckles on the metal.
Tommy: Hey, Maury, you still with us?
The trunk lid flies open, revealing a disheveled man, bound and gagged. His hair slicked back—except for the parts that aren’t. His suit is ruined. His expression is a mix of terror and resignation.
Maury: (muffled screaming)
Tommy: Whoa, whoa, buddy, inside voice.
Jimmy pulls out a revolver and fires three shots into the trunk. Silence. The only sound is Tony Bennett crooning “I Wanna Be Around” from the radio.
Henry: As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.
Freeze-frame on Henry’s horrified expression as Tommy stabs Maury a few times with his spatula—mostly for emphasis.
Henry: Not because of the money, not because of the power, but mostly because I was really bad at normal jobs.
A montage of young Henry attempting various “honest” careers: a Monkfish delivery boy, a grocery store clerk bagging groceries without restroom breaks, and a mechanic making a car explode with only a 1/4″ socket wrench.
Henry: Working for Paulie was different. We didn’t clock in, we didn’t clock out, and we never filled out a W-2.
Back to the present. Tommy wipes his spatula on Maury’s already ruined suit. Jimmy closes the trunk, then pats it twice.
Jimmy: Alright, let’s eat.
They get back in the car and speed off.
Denouement and Closing Scene
A slow-motion shot of Henry walking into a courtroom. He’s dressed in a suit that fits terribly— like a leftover from a Salvation Army bargain bin.
Henry: I had it all. The money, the power, the respect. Then I had to go and testify.
Cut to a witness stand. Henry points at a group of mobsters who immediately look shocked and embarrassed. One even clutches his chest dramatically, as if he ate a bad cannoli.
Judge: And just to confirm, you’re saying these men are criminals?
Henry: Judge, if these guys aren’t criminals, then my grandmother’s a hedge fund manager.
Cut back to Henry, now living in the witness protection program, standing outside his suburban home. He stares at a bland white picket fence, a sprinkler lazily watering the lawn, and his dog doing his business on the front porch.
Henry: And that was it. No more special treatment. No more VIP access. I even had to wait in line at the DMV. Like some kind of—civilian.
A newspaper lands at his feet. The headline reads: “Former Mobster Now Boring.”
Henry sighs, picks up the paper, and walks inside.
Henry Hill eventually got used to his new life. But he still complains about the pasta.
The screen fades to black.
Next up: Moses and the Liquid Traffic Jam
