Original Premise: Taxi Driver (1976) – “You Talkin’ to Me?”
Robert De Niro’s Travis Bickle stares into a mirror, pulling his gun and practicing tough-guy lines, an unsettling descent into alienation and violence.
Opening Scene
A dimly lit convenience store at 2 a.m. The kind of place where the expiration dates are more of a suggestion. A fluorescent light flickers above, buzzing like an insect that refuses to die. The cashier, a man who looks like he gave up on life midway through his shift, leans lazily against the counter, flipping through a tabloid with a cover story about a celebrity faking his own death for better Wi-Fi coverage.
Travis Bickle strides in, his trench coat billowing dramatically—until he walks too close to the automatic door and gets caught in it. He yanks himself free, adjusting his collar like he meant for it to happen. The store is empty except for an old woman arguing with a vending machine and a security guard watching a tiny TV displaying a nature documentary about Saltwater Crocodiles. The crocs are mating. The guard is taking notes.
Travis approaches the counter and sets down a can of energy drink, a can of Spam, and a copy of “Guns & Existential Dread.”
Cashier: That all for you tonight?
Travis: No, I’d also like to buy your silence.
Cashier: That’s $3.99 extra. And you get one free punch on the loyalty card.
Travis: (nods solemnly) Keep the card. I don’t plan on being loyal.
The old woman shakes the vending machine violently. A granola bar drops, along with a wrench. The security guard doesn’t react, but the crocodiles on the TV seem deeply disturbed.
A man in a suit, looking lost, stumbles in, checking his watch like he’s late for something important—like realizing he made a terrible life decision. He approaches Travis.
Man: Excuse me, are you a taxi driver?
Travis: Yeah, I’m a taxi driver. At least that’s what it says on the side of my car.
Man: I need a ride. It’s urgent.
Travis: Where to?
Man: The airport. I have to be there in fifteen minutes.
Travis: The airport? What is it?
Man: It’s a big place with lots of airplanes, but we don’t have time for that now.
Travis: (checking his own non-existent watch) Hmmm, let’s see… We’re thirty minutes from the airport, your flight leaves in fifteen, and I still need to use the restroom.
Man: Just drive. I’ll pay you double.
Travis turns to the cashier.
Travis: What’s the speed limit between here and the airport?
Cashier: (shrugging) Actual, or theoretical?
Travis: Either works for me.
Travis grabs his items, shoving the Spam into his pocket like it’s a concealed weapon—which it was. The two rush out, passing a sign on the door that reads, “Now Hiring: Someone Who Gives a Hoot.”
Cut to
The taxi barreling down the street, weaving in and out through traffic like a caffeinated squirrel. The dashboard hula girl covers her eyes while trying to hold onto the inside of the windshield. The passenger clutches his briefcase, his knuckles whiter than a corporate memo on diversity.
Man: You sure this is safe?
Travis: Statistically speaking, most accidents happen at home. We’re nowhere near yours.
Man: But we’re going 120 in a 30!
Travis: Relax. If anything happens, the cab company will send a replacement.
Man: A replacement driver?
Travis: No. A Travis Bickle replacement.
The taxi jumps a curb, dodges a bicyclist reading a book, and narrowly avoids a street magician pulling a Python out of his waistline—both the magician and the Python scream in horror.
Man: I think I just saw my life flash before my eyes!
Travis: Was it in high def?
Man: I don’t—
Travis: (cutting him off) No time for reminiscing. If we’re going to make it, I need you to do exactly as I say.
Man: Alright, what do I do?
Travis: Close your eyes. Count to ten. Hope we’re still alive when you open them.
Man: That doesn’t sound like a plan!
Travis: It is if you believe in miracles.
Denouement and Closing Scene
The taxi skids into the airport drop-off zone. The man jumps out, tossing money onto the front seat without counting. As he runs inside, Travis watches him go, then peels away, disappearing into the city. The hula girl finally stops shaking.
Voice-over Narration
Travis Bickle continued driving the streets of New York, delivering passengers, unsolicited advice, and occasional property damage. As for the man? He missed his flight, but he learned a valuable lesson: never put your fate in the hands of a man who argues with his own reflection.
Fade to black.
Next up: Silence of the Yams
