Original Premise: Bonnie and Clyde (1967) – The Final Shootout
A peaceful moment is shattered as Bonnie and Clyde are ambushed in a slow-motion, bullet-riddled finale, revolutionizing on-screen violence, and leaving a haunting impact.
Opening Scene
A bright, cheerful morning in the countryside. Birds chirping, the sun shining, and a quaint “Welcome to Texas” sign stands by the road, drenched from a barrage of water balloons. In the distance, a broken-down Model T, complete with a “Ask Me About Amway” sign, smokes like a chimney.
Bonnie and Clyde sit inside the car, idly munching on sandwiches. Bonnie’s sandwich is neatly cut into triangles. Clyde’s is an entire loaf of French bread smeared inside with a thick layer of Velveeta cheese. In the distance, a group of lawmen hide behind a conspicuously placed “This is Definitely Not an Ambush” billboard.
Clyde: You ever get the feeling something bad’s about to happen?
Bonnie: Clyde, we’re famous criminals. Bad is our entire business model.
Clyde: Yeah, but it’s usually after noon. They wouldn’t ambush us before lunch, would they?
Bonnie: They’re government employees. They get paid no matter what time they start shooting.
The bushes rustle. The lawmen peek out, watching impatiently. A sharpshooter sneezes, and his water balloon launcher accidentally goes off. The balloon ricochets off a tree, a mailbox, and a metal lunchbox before drenching a nearby cowbell, which clangs loudly.
Clyde: You hear that?
Bonnie: Either we’re under attack or there’s a very aggressive bovine nearby.
A second water balloon hits their car. This one drenches the car horn, which flattens a perfect rendition of “Yankee Doodle Dandy.”
Clyde: Okay, I think it’s an ambush.
Bonnie: You think? Clyde, we have more water in this car than we have in our escape plan.
The lawmen finally step out from cover. Sheriff Hamer raises his gun.
Hamer: Bonnie and Clyde, you’re surrounded. Come out with your hands up.
Clyde: Define surrounded.
Bonnie: And while you’re at it, define up.
Hamer looks to his men for clarification. A deputy pulls out an Oxford English Dictionary Deluxe Edition. Before he can flip to “up,” another lawman trips, causing a full-blown altercation.
Balloons whiz, the car’s radiator explodes, and a passing marching band joins in to contribute the musical score.
Clyde grabs Bonnie’s hand and dives out of the car. The couple scrambles for cover in a cornfield behind a wooden crate labeled Live Scorpions—Do Not Handle.
Clyde: You ever seen a worse getaway?
Bonnie: Yeah. Us, last Tuesday.
Hamer: Give it up! We’ve got you cornered!
Bonnie: Hey, quick question—how do you corner two people who are already in the open?
Hamer: That’s—well, that’s not really—just surrender!
The chaos reaches a crescendo. Water balloons fly, hats spin, and a stream of water collides with the “Welcome to Texas” sign, causing it to fall over and reveal another sign underneath: “Thanks for Visiting. Hope You Survived.“
Denouement and Closing Scene
Bonnie and Clyde exchange a look. A moment of realization. Their hands clasp. Just as they’re about to make a final stand, an approaching steam train barrels through, completely flattening the entire police force. Silence. Dust settles. A conductor leans out of the train.
Conductor: Sorry, folks. We’re running a little behind schedule.
Bonnie: And now so are they.
Drenched from head to toe, Bonnie and Clyde hop onto the train as it pulls away. As they disappear into the horizon, the “This is Definitely Not an Ambush ” billboard collapses under its own weight, revealing another sign underneath: “Next Time, Try Diplomacy.”
Next up: The Shark That Ate the Love Boat
