Nursery rhymes. We grew up with them—simple, sing-song verses that tucked us into bed, danced through playgrounds, and echoed in the background of childhood. They were whimsical. They were catchy. But were they… logical? Not really.
For most of us, nursery rhymes were innocent, rhythmic nonsense—until now. Enter Raymond “Ray” Babbitt, the methodical, numbers-obsessed savant from the film Rain Man, here to deconstruct these childhood classics with his signature blend of precision, routine, and keen observation. In his world, rules are rules, structure is non-negotiable, and things should make sense. Except, well, they don’t.
Raymond’s objective analysis of each rhyme exposes the absurdity lurking beneath the surface. Why was Mary’s lamb allowed in school? Why was Humpty Dumpty—a clear safety liability—perched precariously on a wall? Why did Jack and Jill climb up a hill for water? Doesn’t it usually flow down? Bad planning. Very bad.
In this collection, Raymond dissects the illogical, the impossible, and the downright ridiculous aspects of our favorite nursery rhymes, all while keeping track of what really matters—predictability, routine, and making it to The People’s Court on time. Definitely on time.
So buckle up, because we’re about to take a nostalgic trip back to childhood. But this time, with a healthy dose of critical thinking, dry wit, and a whole lot of Kmart references. Let the analysis begin. Definitely.
Mary Had a Little Lamb
Mary had a little lamb. A real lamb. Not a stuffed animal. Not a dog. A lamb. A baby sheep. Small. Definitely small. And its fleece? White. Not gray. Not brown. White like snow. Like fresh snow, not the kind in Cincinnati after three days. Definitely not that kind.
This lamb wasn’t normal. No. It followed Mary everywhere. Everywhere. Not just to the barn. Not just to the yard. Everywhere she went, the lamb went too. No hesitation. No detours. Just followed. Like clockwork. Like routine. Like Wapner at five. Definitely predictable.
Then, Uh-oh! Mary went to school. The lamb followed. Bad idea. Very bad. Schools have rules. No lambs. No animals. Definitely against the rules. Teacher wasn’t happy. Not even a little. Rules are rules. Had to go. Definitely had to go.
But the kids? They loved it. Laughed. Played. Had fun. Lambs are fun. But rules are rules. Teacher sent it away. No second chances. No exceptions. No appeals. People’s Court? No. Not happening.
Mary still had the lamb, though. Still little. Still white. Still following. No stopping. Never stopping. Definitely never stopping.
Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty. Yeah. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Not a chair. Not a bench. A wall. High up. Too high. Not safe. Not safe at all. Bad idea. Very bad. Should’ve stayed low. Like in a seat. Like on Qantas. Qantas is safe. Never crashed. Definitely never crashed.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Uh-oh! Not good. Not good at all. Serious injury. Very serious. Not a small fall. Not a trip. A great fall. Big fall. Like dropping a jar of maple syrup on the floor. Yeah. Definitely like that. Splat. Sticky. No fixing that. Definitely no fixing that.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men. Yeah. Horses. Men. Not just one. Not two. A lot. All of them. They tried. Tried hard. But couldn’t put Humpty together again. No glue. No tape. No way. Just like spilled maple syrup. Too far gone. Definitely too far gone.
Shouldn’t have been on the wall. No balance. No safety net. No Qantas seatbelt. No Kmart underwear for protection. Just Humpty. Just falling. Bad planning. Very bad planning.
Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill. Yeah. Jack and Jill went up the hill. Not down. Not sideways. Definitely up. A hill. Not a mountain. Not a staircase. A hill. To fetch a pail of water. Water. Important. Hydration. Essential. But why is the water up the hill? Strange. Very strange. Wells usually down, not up. Bad planning.
Jack fell down. Uh-oh! Not good. Not good at all. Serious injury. Very serious. Broke his crown. Head injury. Head injuries are bad. Ninety-eight point six? Maybe higher. Maybe lower. But serious. Very serious. Jill came tumbling after. Not before. Not with. After. Definitely after. She didn’t fall first. Jack fell first. Then Jill. Sequence matters. Yeah. Definitely matters.
Jack got up. Got up, yeah. Went home. Fast. Not slow. Slow in the driveway, but not now. Too much pain. Went to bed. Bed. Horizontal, not vertical. Bound his head. Vinegar and brown paper. Brown paper. Not white. Not blue. Brown. Vinegar. Smells bad. Definitely bad. Not like maple syrup. Not like pancake syrup. But it’s supposed to help. Maybe. Not sure.
Jill fell too. Not good. Bad shoes? Slippery ground? Hills are dangerous. Slippery when wet. Need better shoes. Kmart has shoes. Buy shoes at Kmart. Also underwear. Not wearing my underwear. Jack might need new underwear too. Definitely new underwear.
Jack and Jill. Bad choices. Stay level. Safer. No falling. No tumbling. Gotta watch Wapner. Fifteen minutes to Wapner. Then Jeopardy. Five minutes to Jeopardy. Definitely safer than falling. Definitely!
Hickory Dickory Dock
Hickory dickory dock. Yeah. Strange. Very strange. Not real words. Just sounds. Hickory is wood. Dock is where boats go. But together? Doesn’t make sense. Definitely doesn’t.
The mouse ran up the clock. Yeah. A mouse. Not a rat. Not a cat. A mouse. Small. Fast. Ran up. Not down. Up. Definitely up. But why a clock? Clocks don’t have food. No cheese. No Kmart underwear. Just numbers. Just time. Strange. Very strange.
The clock struck one. Uh-oh! Loud noise. Very loud. Clocks do that. Not digital clocks. Old clocks. Big clocks. Grandfather clocks. Maybe a cuckoo clock. But no cuckoo. Just one strike. Definitely one. Not two. Not three. Just one.
The mouse ran down. Yeah. Down. Not up. Not sideways. Definitely down. Fast. Not slow. Slow in the driveway, but not here. Too loud. Too scary. Definitely scared. Ran away. Hickory dickory dock. Again. Repeating. Always repeating. Like Wapner at five. Predictable. Routine. Safe.
London Bridge Is Falling Down
London Bridge is falling down. Uh-oh! Not good. Not good at all. Bridges should stay up. Definitely should stay up. Falling down is bad. Very bad. Serious. Very serious.
Falling down, falling down. Yeah. Repeating. Like Jeopardy every night. Predictable. Routine. But still bad. Bridges are important. People cross bridges. Cars cross bridges. No bridge? No crossing. Definitely no crossing.
Build it up with silver and gold. Yeah. Fancy. Expensive. Not smart. Not practical. Silver is heavy. Gold is heavy. Bad materials. Definitely bad. Should use concrete. Strong. Like Qantas. Never crashed. Definitely never crashed.
Silver and gold will be stolen away. Yeah. Too expensive. Too shiny. Thieves will come. Take it. No bridge again. Back to the beginning. Bad planning. Very bad.
Build it up with iron and steel. Yeah. Better. Stronger. Holds weight. Not like maple syrup. Not sticky. Not soft. Definitely better.
London Bridge is falling down. Again. Repeating. Always repeating. Like Wapner at five. Predictable. But still bad. Definitely bad.
Row Row Row Your Boat
Row, row, row your boat. Yeah. Rowing. Not sailing. Not floating. Rowing. Definitely rowing. With oars. Not a motor. No Qantas. No Kmart. Just a boat. Small boat. Definitely small.
Gently down the stream. Yeah. Not fast. Not rough. Gently. Not rapids. No whitewater. Just a stream. Calm. Smooth. Like maple syrup. Definitely like maple syrup. Not like falling off London Bridge. That’s bad. Very bad. Serious.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily. Yeah. Happy. Not sad. Not angry. Merrily. Four times. Not one. Not two. Four. Too many? Maybe. But that’s the song. Definitely the song.
Life is but a dream. Yeah. A dream. Not real? Strange. Very strange. Life is real. Not a dream. Dreams aren’t real. Unless you’re asleep. Then real? Maybe. Confusing. Definitely confusing.
Row, row, row your boat. Again. Always again. Like Wapner at five. Predictable. Routine. Safe.
Old MacDonald Had a Farm
Old MacDonald. Yeah. Had a farm. Definitely had a farm. Not a city. Not a town. A farm. A real farm. With animals. Lots of animals. Too many animals. Probably smells bad. Definitely smells bad.
E-I-E-I-O. Yeah. Always E-I-E-I-O. Every time. Like Jeopardy at seven. Routine. Predictable. Safe.
And on that farm, he had a cow. Yeah. A cow. Not a horse. Not a duck. A cow. Definitely a cow. E-I-E-I-O. Again. With a moo moo here. Moo moo there. Here a moo. There a moo. Everywhere a moo moo. Cow’s not wearing underwear. No Kmart for cows. No boxers. No briefs. Just fur. Yeah. Definitely no underwear.
And on that farm, he had a pig. Yeah. A pig. Not a cow. Not a sheep. A pig. E-I-E-I-O. Again. With an oink, oink here. Oink, oink there. Here an oink. There an oink. Everywhere an oink, oink. Pig’s not wearing underwear either. No tighty-whities. No boxers. No Kmart. Just mud. Yeah. Definitely just mud.
And on that farm, he had a duck. Yeah. A duck. Not a pig. Not a goat. A duck. E-I-E-I-O. Again. With a quack, quack here. Quack, quack there. Here a quack. There a quack. Everywhere a quack, quack. No underwear for ducks. No pants. Just feathers. Wet feathers. No Kmart needed. Yeah. Definitely no Kmart needed.
Old MacDonald. Still has a farm. Still animals. Still noises. Still smells bad. No one wearing underwear. No Kmart in sight. Just E-I-E-I-O. Again. Every time. Never stops. Never changes. Yeah. Definitely never changes.
The Itsy Bitsy Spider
The itsy bitsy spider. Yeah. Small. Not big. Not medium. Definitely itsy bitsy. A spider. Not a fly. Not an ant. A spider. Eight legs. Definitely eight.
Climbed up the water spout. Yeah. Climbed. Not jumped. Not flew. Climbed. Spiders climb. Good at climbing. But a water spout? Strange. Very strange. No food. No reason. Just climbing. Definitely just climbing.
Down came the rain. Uh-oh! Not good. Not good at all. Rain is wet. Heavy. Serious. Very serious. Spiders don’t like rain. Too much water. Like maple syrup, but not sticky. Just wet. Definitely wet. And washed the spider out. Yeah. Gone. No more climbing. Just water. Carried away. Like bad Kmart underwear in the washing machine. Definitely washed away.
Out came the sun. Yeah. Sun. Warm. Hot. Not like Wapner. Wapner is serious. The sun is bright. Dries things. Spiders like dry. Definitely like dry. And dried up all the rain. Yeah. No more water. Just dry. Good for climbing. Definitely good.
So the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again. Yeah. Again. No learning. No stopping. Just climbing. Like Wapner at five. Predictable. Routine. Safe.
Hey Diddle Diddle
Hey diddle diddle. Yeah. Strange. Very strange. Not a normal phrase. Just diddle. And hey. Definitely diddle.
The cat and the fiddle. Yeah. A cat. Not a dog. Not a rabbit. A cat. And a fiddle. A real fiddle. Not a guitar. Not a piano. A fiddle. But cats don’t play fiddles. No. No fingers. No opposable thumbs. Definitely no thumbs. Strange. Very strange.
The cow jumped over the moon. Uh-oh! Not possible. Not realistic. A cow. Big. Heavy. No Qantas. No jetpack. Just jumped. Over the moon. Very high. Too high. Cows don’t jump that high. No way. No chance. Definitely not. Maybe maple syrup involved. Too much sugar. Too much energy.
The little dog laughed to see such sport. Yeah. A dog. Laughing. Dogs don’t laugh. Not like people. Not like Saturday Night Live. Just panting. Maybe barking. But laughing? Strange. Very strange. Definitely strange.
And the dish ran away with the spoon. Uh-oh! More problems. Dishes don’t run. Spoons don’t run. No legs. No feet. No Kmart shoes. No Kmart underwear. Just dishes. Just spoons. But running. Together. Definitely together. Very suspicious. Very strange.
Little Miss Muffet
Little Miss Muffet. Yeah. Little. Not big. Not medium. Definitely little. Miss. Not Mrs. Not Ms. Definitely Miss Muffet. Strange name. Very strange.
Sat on a tuffet. Yeah. Sat. Not stood. Not ran. Just sat. On a tuffet. What’s a tuffet? A chair? A cushion? Nobody knows. Strange. Definitely strange.
Eating her curds and whey. Yeah. Eating. Not drinking. Not chewing gum. Eating. Curds and whey. What’s whey? Cheese? Yogurt? Something dairy? Like maple syrup, but not sweet. Probably lumpy. Definitely lumpy. Kmart doesn’t sell curds and whey. Definitely not.
Along came a spider. Uh-oh! Not good. Not good at all. Spiders show up. Always show up. Eight legs. Definitely eight. No warning. No knock. Just there. Sat down beside her. Yeah. Close. Too close. Spiders don’t ask. No manners. No Kmart underwear. Just legs. Definitely just legs. And frightened Miss Muffet away. Yeah. Scared. Very scared. Gone. Ran fast. Not slow in the driveway. Definitely not slow. No more curds. No more whey. Just running.
Little Miss Muffet. Gone. Tuffet? Still there. Spiders don’t sit on tuffets. Definitely don’t.
This Little Piggy
This little piggy. Yeah. Little. Not big. Not medium. Definitely little. A piggy. Not a dog. Not a cat. Definitely a piggy.
This little piggy went to market. Yeah. Market. Not the mall. Not Kmart. A market. Shopping. Buying things. Not wearing Kmart underwear. Pigs don’t wear underwear. Definitely don’t.
This little piggy stayed home. Yeah. Home. Not the market. Not moving. Just staying. Maybe watching Wapner. Fifteen minutes to Wapner. Staying is safe. Definitely safer.
This little piggy had roast beef. Yeah. Roast beef. Not chicken. Not fish. Definitely beef. Strange. Very strange. Pigs eat beef? Don’t think so. Maybe maple syrup. Pancakes. But beef? Weird. Definitely weird.
This little piggy had none. Yeah. None. No roast beef. No food. Just hungry. Bad planning. Very bad. Should’ve gone to market. Maybe buy food. Maybe buy Kmart underwear. But no. Definitely no.
And this little piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home. Yeah. Not laughing. Not talking. Just crying. Wee wee wee. Over and over. Strange. Very strange. No reason. Just noise. No Jeopardy. No answers. Just crying.
This little piggy. Yeah. Still little. Still no underwear. Still strange. Definitely strange.
Rock-a-bye Baby
Rock-a-bye baby. Yeah. Rocking. Not still. Moving. Definitely moving. A baby. Small. Not big. Not medium. Definitely small.
In the treetop. Uh-oh! Not good. Not good at all. Babies don’t go in treetops. No cribs in trees. No safety. No Kmart underwear for protection. Bad idea. Very bad.
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. Yeah. Wind. Makes things move. Like flags. Like planes. Like Qantas. But Qantas is safe. Never crashed. Definitely never crashed. This cradle? Not safe. Rocking too much. Definitely too much.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. Uh-oh! Not good. Serious. Very serious. Bough breaks. Not strong. Too much weight. Too much rocking. Bad planning. Very bad planning. Should’ve used a bed. Definitely a bed.
And down will come baby, cradle and all. Yeah. Everything. Not just the baby. Not just the cradle. Everything. Down. Hard landing. No parachute. No soft pillows. No maple syrup to cushion. Just falling.
Rock-a-bye baby. Yeah. Again. Always again. Like Wapner at five. Predictable. Routine. Unsafe. Definitely unsafe.
Pat-a-Cake
Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker’s man. Yeah. Patting. Not stirring. Not mixing. Just patting. A cake. Not a pie. Not a muffin. Definitely a cake. And a baker. A real baker. Not a butcher. Not a candlestick maker. Definitely a baker.
Bake me a cake as fast as you can. Yeah. Fast. Not slow. Not waiting. But fast baking? Strange. Very strange. Cakes take time. Mixing. Measuring. Baking. Cooling. Not fast. Definitely not fast. Bad instructions. Very bad.
Pat it and prick it and mark it with a B. Yeah. Pat again. More patting. Too much patting. Then prick it. Sharp. Not safe. Fork? Knife? Dangerous. Very dangerous. Serious injury. Very serious. And why B? Not A. Not C. Just B. Maybe for baby. Maybe for banana. Strange. Definitely strange.
And put it in the oven for baby and me. Yeah. Oven. Hot. Not cold. Like fire. Like hot water burn baby. Definitely gotta be careful. Cake is for baby. And me. Two people. Not three. Not four. Just two. Baby eats cake? Should be soft. No Kmart underwear for the baby. Just cake. Definitely just cake.
Pat-a-cake. Again. Always again. Like Wapner at five. Predictable. Routine. Safe. Definitely safe. Gotta watch Wapner. Fifteen minutes to Wapner. Then Jeopardy. Five minutes to Jeopardy. No bakers. No cakes. Just answers. Definitely answers.
The Wheels on the Bus
The wheels on the bus go round and round. Yeah. Round. Not square. Not triangle. Definitely round. Rolling. Not stopping. Just going. Over and over. Like Wapner at five. Predictable. Routine. Safe. Definitely safe.
Round and round. Yeah. Again. Always again. Repeating. Like Jeopardy. Five minutes to Jeopardy.
The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish. Yeah. Wipers. Not hands. Not feet. Wipers. Swishing. Not wiping. Just swishing. But only when it rains. No rain, no swish. No maple syrup. Maple syrup doesn’t swish. Too sticky. Definitely too sticky.
The doors on the bus go open and shut. Yeah. Open. Then shut. Not locked. Not stuck. Just open. Then shut. Always the same. Definitely the same. Like a routine. Like slow in the driveway but fast on the road.
The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep. Yeah. Beep. Not honk. Not toot. Just beep. Three times. Not one. Not two. Three. Always three. Why three? Strange. Very strange.
The driver on the bus says, “Move on back.” Yeah. Back. Not front. Not middle. Definitely back. People standing. Too many people. No seats. No Kmart underwear. Just standing. Holding the rail.
The wheels on the bus go round and round. Again. Always again. Like Wapner at five. Predictable. Routine. Safe. Definitely safe.
Yankee Doodle
Yankee Doodle went to town. Yeah. Went. Not stayed. Not turned around. Just went. To town. Not the country. Not Kmart. Just town. Definitely town.
Riding on a pony. Yeah. A pony. Not a horse. Not a donkey. Definitely a pony. Small. Not fast. Slow. Maybe slow in the driveway. Not Qantas. Qantas is fast. Ponies? Not fast. Definitely not fast.
Stuck a feather in his cap. Yeah. A feather. Not a flower. Not a spoon. A feather. Stuck it. Not tied it. Not pinned it. Just stuck. Strange. Very strange.
And called it macaroni. Uh-oh! Not good. Not good at all. Macaroni is food. Pasta. Not a feather. Not a hat. Definitely not a hat. Confusing. Very confusing. No logic. No reason. Just macaroni. Maybe hungry. Maybe no maple syrup. Definitely strange.
Yankee Doodle keep it up. Yeah. Keep going. Not stopping. Not turning around. Just keep going. Like Wapner at five. Predictable. Routine. Safe. Definitely safe. Mind the music and the step. Yeah. Music. Steps. Careful. Not tripping. Not falling. Serious injury. Very serious. Maybe ninety-eight point six. Maybe worse. Definitely worse if no Kmart underwear.
Yankee Doodle went to town. Again. Always again. Like Wapner. Like Jeopardy. Five minutes to Jeopardy. No ponies. No feathers. Just answers. Definitely answers.
Sing a Song of Sixpence
Sing a song of sixpence. Yeah. Sixpence. Not five. Not seven. Definitely six. Small money. Not a lot. Not enough for Kmart underwear. Definitely not enough.
A pocket full of rye. Yeah. Rye. Not wheat. Not corn. Just rye. But why? Strange. Very strange. Not money. Not useful. Just rye.
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. Uh-oh! Not good. Not good at all. Twenty-four birds. Not one. Not two. Twenty-four. In a pie. Baked. Birds don’t belong in pies. Not normal. Definitely not normal.
When the pie was opened, the birds began to sing. Yeah. Singing. Not quiet. Not normal. Baked birds don’t sing. Too hot. Too cooked. Definitely not singing. But they did. Strange. Very strange. Like maple syrup on spaghetti. Doesn’t make sense. Definitely doesn’t.
Wasn’t that a dainty dish to set before the king? Yeah. A king. Not a prince. Not a duke. Definitely a king. But why birds? No roast beef. No pancakes. Just birds. Singing. No Jeopardy. No answers. Just birds.
The king was in his counting house, counting out his money. Yeah. Counting. Like counting cards. Like fifty-two pickup. But just money. Not playing. Just counting. Routine. Predictable. Safe. Definitely safe.
The queen was in the parlor, eating bread and honey. Yeah. Bread. Not cake. Not curds and whey. Just bread. And honey. Sticky. Like maple syrup. No Kmart underwear mentioned. Definitely not.
The maid was in the garden, hanging out the clothes. Yeah. Hanging clothes. No dryer. No Kmart socks. Just hanging. Old-fashioned. Definitely old-fashioned. When down came a blackbird and pecked off her nose. Uh-oh! Not good. Serious injury. Very serious. No nose now. Should’ve worn a hat. Or a mask. Bad planning. Very bad.
Sing a song of sixpence. Yeah. Again. Always again. Like Wapner at five. Predictable. Routine. Strange. Definitely strange. Five minutes to Jeopardy. No birds. No pies. Just answers. Definitely answers.
Three Blind Mice
Three blind mice. Three of them. Not one. Not two. Three. Blind. Can’t see. Definitely can’t see. Uh-oh! Serious problem. Very serious.
See how they run. Running. Not walking. Running fast. Not slow in the driveway. Definitely not slow. Blind mice running. Dangerous. Very dangerous. Could hit something. Could fall. Serious injury. Ninety-eight point six. Maybe higher. Maybe lower. But serious.
They all ran after the farmer’s wife. All of them. Not one. Not two. Three. Chasing. But why? Strange. Very strange. Farmer’s wife. She had a knife. Uh-oh! Sharp. Not good. Not good at all.
She cut off their tails. Not one tail. Not two tails. Three. All three. Gone. Uh-oh! No tails now. Definitely no tails. Serious injury. Not wearing their underwear. Should’ve bought underwear at Kmart. But mice don’t wear underwear. No Kmart for mice. No Kmart, no tails.
Did you ever see such a sight in your life? No. Never. Never seen it. Strange. Very strange. Mice. Blind. Running. Chasing. Farmer’s wife. Knife. Tails gone. Not normal. Not normal at all.
Ring Around the Rosie
Ring around the Rosie. Yeah. A ring. Not a square. Not a triangle. Definitely a ring. Around something. A Rosie. A flower. Not a daisy. Not a tulip. A Rosie. Strange. Very strange.
A pocket full of posies. Yeah. Flowers. In a pocket. Not money. Not Kmart receipts. Just posies. But why? No reason. No logic. Definitely strange.
Ashes, ashes, we all fall down. Uh-oh! Not good. Not good at all. Ashes. Burned? Fire? Hot water burn baby? Maybe. Definitely not maple syrup. Maple syrup doesn’t turn to ashes. But then, falling down. Everyone. Not one. Not two. All. At the same time. Strange. Very strange. Serious injury. Very serious. Should’ve worn helmets. Maybe Kmart underwear. Soft landing. Definitely safer.
Ring around the Rosie. Again. Always again. Like Wapner at five. Predictable. Routine. Strange. Definitely strange. Five minutes to Jeopardy. No falling. No ashes. Just answers. Definitely answers.
Final Thoughts
Nursery Rhymes: Nostalgic, But Not Sensible
Looking back, it’s clear that nursery rhymes weren’t written with logic in mind. They were catchy, fun, and easy to remember—but sensible? Not even close. Definitely not close.
A lamb sneaking into school with zero security checks? An oversized egg with a dangerous fondness for high places? A spider with no survival instincts? These aren’t just quirky tales, they’re a parade of questionable choices and structural failures. Bad planning. Definitely bad.
Yet, despite their absurdity, nursery rhymes endure. They wrap childhood in a blanket of rhythm and routine, sticking in our minds long after we outgrow bedtime stories. They don’t have to make sense—because nostalgia doesn’t play by the rules. Definitely doesn’t.
So keep singing Mary Had a Little Lamb. Keep humming The Itsy Bitsy Spider. But definitely don’t climb a hill for water, balance on a wall if you’re an egg, or under any circumstances try to jump over the moon. Bad idea. Definitely bad.
