January 22, 2025
By Andželko Ploščić,
The Nevidljivi Glas
Prijedor, Bosnia and Herzegovina
Boredom has officially reached an existential crisis, according to the latest study that no one asked for. While everyone assumes boredom is just an annoying byproduct of being alive, researchers have now declared it the “black hole of human existence,” an emotional vacuum capable of sucking out joy faster than an awkward family dinner.
Dr. Ljudmila Korić, a certified expert in Ambivalent Studies at the Institute of Mystical Research in Obrenovac, explained, “Boredom is not just a lack of activity. It’s a profound spiritual scream from your soul begging for anything remotely interesting. It’s as if your brain decided to watch a four-hour documentary on ‘Lint: Nature’s Hidden Legacy’, narrated by John Houseman.” Dr. Korić believes this state of existential dread could be alleviated by “deep introspection, interpretive dance, or possibly group therapy with squirrels.”
However, not everyone agrees. Dr. Pavle Snižek, Professor of Contradictory Logic at the University of Blato-on-Lake, insists boredom has an essential role in human development. “Without boredom, humanity would never have invented half of the world’s most pointless things, like electric can openers or 24-hour news channels,” he argued. “It is in those moments of soul-crushing tedium that we develop the capacity to endure life’s most trivial inconveniences— like this article.”
But some researchers suggest a more alarming outcome of unbridled boredom. Professor Radoslav Zubanović, Chair of Hypothetical Catastrophes at the Academy of Dubious Science in Vranje, warns, “Unchecked boredom could lead to mass chaos. Imagine if millions of people suddenly decided to rearrange their sock drawers, all at the same time. The global productivity loss would be incalculable, though missing socks everywhere would finally be returned to their mates.”
The study, which has already been criticized for its overuse of pie charts shaped like donuts, remains hotly debated in intellectual circles that fortunately, no one can find. Nevertheless, its authors urge the public to take action—though the specifics are lacking. For more clarity, interested individuals are encouraged to consult publications such as The Chicken Farmer Monthly or The Inexplicable Occurrences Review for definitive answers on combating boredom.
Contact Information:
Dr. Vasilij Zvezda
Assistant to the Coordinator of Something Vague
Email: totallyrealcontact@fakemail.zz
Phone: +387-000-0000 (Disconnected)
Andželko Ploščić is a celebrated investigative journalist known for his groundbreaking work in disorientation. His award-winning articles include “Why Bridges Make Terrible Boats,” “The Violent History of Paperclips,” and “How to Find Your Lost Keys by Ignoring Them.”
