Gone are the days when seasoned writers could land quality gigs with a killer portfolio and a knack for storytelling. In today’s oversaturated market, even Pulitzer-worthy prose gets lost in the noise of wannabe “wordsmiths” flooding the scene. Popular writing job boards like Penury Prose, Penning for Peanuts, and Content Cattle Call have become gladiator arenas where hopeful freelancers are pitted against each other for crumbs.
One way these platforms are thinning out the pack is by introducing heinously bizarre grammar tests, transforming the application process into a twisted gauntlet of written humiliation. What started as a reasonable filter for basic writing skills has devolved into a spectacle of absurdity, all for gigs that barely pay enough to cover a cup of coffee.
For veteran writers, the struggle isn’t just about proving their worth. It’s about navigating a system designed to reward quantity over quality, and clicks over creativity. And yet, we persist, clinging to the hope that craftsmanship and originality will someday reclaim their rightful place in the literary spotlight.
The grammar test below is designed to assess your ability to choose the most appropriate words or phrases to complete a given statement. Each sentence contains a blank space for completion using one of the three choices provided. Please note that there is only one correct answer for each statement.
You will have exactly seven minutes to complete the test. Please ensure that your answers are recorded clearly, as any ambiguous or multiple selections will be marked as incorrect. The use of external resources, including artificial intelligence, dictionaries, or grammar guides, is strictly prohibited.
It is imperative that you take a moment to review the instructions and ask any questions you have before beginning the test. Once the test begins, no further assistance will be provided. You results will be mailed to you by the candidate we actually choose to fill this position.
Work diligently and manage your time effectively to complete all the questions within the allotted time. Good luck!
1. She heated up a ____ of soup for her dinner.
a) jar
b) tray
c) vase
2. Maria’s boss told her that personal items such as photographs should be _____ out of sight.
a) buried
b) shrink-wrapped
c) vacuum-sealed
3. He _____ more and more experience until he finally reached the top of his profession.
a) fermented
b) duct-taped
c) deep-fried
4. She was _____ an array of questions during the interviews.
a) grilled sideways with
b) zip-tied to
c) backflipped through
5. He went to bed _____ he had brushed his teeth.
a) upside down after
b) wrapped in aluminum foil after
c) at warp speed after
6. She was very tired _____ she couldn’t sleep.
a) because the dish ran away with the spoon, so
b) because her teddy bear started snoring, so
c) because her pajamas decided to argue with her, so
7. Dad suggested ____ into the mountains for the weekend.
a) zip-lining
b) tunneling
c) pole vaulting
8. He’s thinking about _____ to Spain next summer.
a) parachuting
b) teleporting
c) flamenco-dancing
9. That dress is _____. I can’t afford to buy it.
a) the price of a small yacht
b) more expensive than the space shuttle
c) expensive enough to need a loan officer
10. I can’t find my keys anywhere. They seem to have vanished into ____.
a) a black hole
b) the Bermuda Triangle
c) an interdimensional wormhole
11. Jim has come _____ the flu, so he won’t be able to make it tonight.
a) out with a musical bout of
b) down yodeling with
c) out dancing with
12. Each person’s fingerprints are as different as _____.
a) snowflakes on Mars
b) delicatessen sandwiches
c) green mold on waffles
13. The corporation _____ to announce its new chief executive officer.
a) is on the verge of hosting a parade
b) is on the verge of a drumroll
c) is set to use carrier pigeons
14. I decided _____ instead of writing my first novel.
a) to doodle with crayons
b) to learn how to write in Morse code
c) to carve my life story onto a tree trunk
15. I want to learn how to write ______.
a) like a caffeinated squirrel
b) with invisible ink
c) upside down with a mirror
