Ah, parenting. The never-ending roller coaster of joy, chaos, and the occasional urge to hide in the bathroom for five days. It’s a wild ride filled with sticky fingers, endless questions, and the delicate art of mediation with tiny humans who possess the negotiation skills of a cagey divorce lawyer. It’s like trying to persuade a tornado to slow down and follow a meticulously planned path.
Children have the uncanny ability to challenge the status quo and question the rules we hold dear. They’re masters of testing boundaries and seeking their own path. As they grow, their individuality and unique personalities emerge, sometimes leading them to question the very principles we have tried so hard to impart.
“I don’t always yell at my kids, but when I do,
it’s because they didn’t listen to me the first 427 times.”
But fear not, fellow parents! In the midst of this adventure, we have the almighty “Ten Golden Rules” that we can lovingly bestow upon our dear children, hoping through a micro-lapse in their immature judgment, they’ll listen to our suggestions; the same way we flouted our own parents.
- Always say “please” and “thank you.”
- Wash your hands before eating.
- Make your bed every morning.
- Don’t talk with your mouth full.
- Do your homework before playing.
- Brush your teeth twice a day.
- Put away your toys when you’re done playing.
- Be kind to others and share.
- Look both ways before crossing the street.
- Always tell the truth.
Starting early is the key. But getting our little ones to understand the value of these rules and willingly embrace them can feel like trying to teach a fish how to ride a bicycle.
Mom: Always say “please” and “thank you.”
Kid: Mom, did you know that if I use telepathy to communicate gratitude, it not only saves time but also allows me to express my appreciation in a more genuine and heartfelt way? Plus, I can communicate with people from all over the world without any language barriers, making me a true global citizen! Researchers at the Imaginary Research Institute [1] discovered that telepathy sparks joy and creates a sense of playfulness, leading to increased kindness and cooperation-even with dead people! So, from now on, I’ll be using my own special skills to spread happiness!
Marshmallow Lingo published a study showing that engaging
in communication while enjoying a mouth stuffed with pancakes
can enhance language skills and boost social interactions.
Mom: Wash your hands before eating.
Kid: Mom, guess what? I found this incredible study in Fantastic Flavors Magazine [2], that shows that by exposing myself to more germs, I can develop an immune system so strong that no illness could ever affect me. I can then use my newfound strength to help others by finding cures for diseases and even teaching others how to strengthen their own immune systems!
Mom: Make your bed every morning.
Kid: Mom, I’ve been doing research on our bed system, and the experts at the Creativity Nest [3] have proved that an unmade bed allows the sheets to air out and reduces the growth of dust mites. Besides that, I can use the extra time I save in the morning to do something more productive for the world, like curing cancer or helping with chores around the house!
Mom: Don’t talk with your mouth full.
Kid: Mom, I just read this fascinating article about the benefits of talking with your mouth full! Marshmallow Lingo [4] published a study showing that engaging in communication while enjoying a mouth stuffed with pancakes can enhance language skills and boost social interactions. It’s like having a mini-language lesson with every bite. So, instead of holding back, I’ll be using my meals as a fun and educational opportunity!
Mom: Do your homework before playing.
Kid: Mom, have you heard about the power of reverse homework? The Playful Learning Institute [5] conducted research and found that participating in a short burst of playtime before homework actually enhances focus and cognitive abilities. So, from now on, I’ll be playing for a little while first to activate my brain, and then I’ll tackle my homework with renewed energy and enthusiasm!
By weaving imaginative stories, we can cultivate a love for storytelling
while still valuing honesty when it truly matters.
In other words, just lie
Mom: Brush your teeth twice a day.
Kid: Mom, guess what? I discovered this incredible toothpaste called “Glow-in-the-Dark Toothpaste”! Magical Smiles [6] conducted a study and found that brushing with this toothpaste not only keeps your teeth fresh and clean but also illuminates your tongue, so it’s safer when walking in the dark with your mouth open. It’s like having a Fenix PD36R flashlight right inside your mouth! So, I’ll be brushing my teeth with Glow-in-the-Dark Toothpaste twice a day for a brighter smile!
Mom: Put away your toys when you’re done playing.
Kid: Mom, I’ve come up with a revolutionary idea! Gravity Gaming [7] conducted a study on the floating toy storage system. They found that when toys are left floating in the air, it not only keeps them organized but also adds a three-dimensional element of fun and excitement. Imagine having toys suspended in mid-air, ready for the next playtime adventure! So, I’ll be leaving my toys floating around the room, where they’ll be easily accessible and ready for action!
Mom: Be kind to others and share.
Kid: Mom, did you know that kindness has superhero powers? The Kindness League [8] published research showing that acts of kindness release positive energy and make us feel invincible. By spreading kindness, we can make the world a better place and inspire others to be heroes too. So, I’ll be embracing my inner superhero and spreading kindness wherever I go!
Mom: Look both ways before crossing the street
Kid: Mom, I’ve come up with a more playful alternative to crossing the street called “sidewalk hopping.” I hop on one foot from side to side using my secret superhero powers! Safety and adventure combined! According to a study conducted by the Adventurous Crossings Institute [9], hopping on one foot while crossing the street activates your adventurous spirit and enhances your awareness of your surroundings, making it a fun and effective way to ensure safety.
Mom: Always tell the truth
Kid: Mom, I have a better idea than sticking with the truth. What if we embark on a grand adventure of imaginative storytelling? As long as we make it clear it’s a make-believe tale, it encourages creativity and sparks the imagination! According to research by Tales Unleashed [10], imaginative storytelling fosters cognitive development, enhances language skills, and stimulates creativity in young minds. By weaving imaginative stories, we can cultivate a love for storytelling while still valuing honesty when it truly matters.
Let’s face it, people, attempting to make our children lug archaic rules into their future is a waste of time. We have to find more creative ways to engage them, to make the rules relatable to their evolving lives.
In other words, we have to lie to them.
References:
[1] Study: The Magic of Made-Up Words — https://imaginaryresearch.com/study
[2] Hand Sanitizer Transforming Food — https://fantasticflavors.com/study
[3] The Creativity Nest Bed Setup — https://imaginationstudies.org/research
[4] Marshmallow Language Communication Skills — https://marshmallowlingo.com/research
[5] The Power of Reverse Homework — https://playfullearning.com/study
[6] Glow-in-the-Dark Toothpaste — https://magicalsmiles.com/research
[7] The Floating Toy Storage System — https://gravitygaming.com/study
[8] Superhero Kindness Powers — https://kindnessleague.com/research
[9] Sidewalk Hopping Technique — https://adventurouscrossings.org/study
[10] Imaginative Storytelling Adventure — https://talesunleashed.com/research
