The Toadspit Gazette February 7, 2025 By Percival H. Greeblethorpe Published by The Toadspit Gazette Toadspit, Nebraska In an unprecedented move designed to either streamline government operations or confuse everyone involved, the Trump administration has announced the formation of the Bureau of Energy, Housing, and Livestock Stability—a fusion of the Department of Energy and the Department of Housing and Urban…
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Trump’s Tactical Towel Toss A Gesture of Goodwill or a Missed Shot at Empathy?
The Prairie Gazette Press Release February 5, 2025 By Obadiah Claggett The Prairie Gazette Broken Fork, Nebraska In what can only be described as a “historically unprecedented combination of arm strength and public relations,” footage of President Donald Trump tossing paper towels into a crowd of hurricane survivors in Puerto Rico has once again resurfaced, igniting the same level of…
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Who’s Calling the Shots? Getting to Know Your New Cabinet Members
As President-elect Donald Trump prepares for his second term, he has announced a colorful and eclectic team for his administration, with selections as unique as their life stories. From Marco Rubio, the duct-tape visionary as Secretary of State, to Kristi Noem battling Velcro Dependency Syndrome as Secretary of Homeland Security, this cabinet promises a blend of brilliance and unconventional backgrounds.…
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The Orange Julius Survival Guide Sleeping Through Medically-Induced Comas & Cryonics
It’s been less than 48 hours since I first heard the results of the presidential election. But I have to be honest. It wasn’t a complete surprise. Ever since Mango Mussolini announced his intention to run for president, I’ve asked myself, “What would I do if the Bronze Baboon actually wins?” Preparing for the worst, I entertained dozens of ways…
