In the early days of the film industry, it was hard to find a good scream. Before the invention of sound bites, directors who needed a blood-curdling shriek from actors often got rather paltry sounding yelps. That is, until Private Wilhelm entered the scene. In the 1951 war classic Distant Drums, a soldier is dragged under water by an alligator…
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Tooth Fairies Aren’t Easy How BMWs and laptops have replaced leaving a quarter under your pillow
When my dentist gave me the bad news, I was naturally distraught over the possibility of losing half of my teeth. Even after years of religiously brushing, flossing and wrestling with my Waterpik, the entire lower left-hand quadrant as well as a few other strategically located molars had succumbed to periodontal disease, so eating anything denser than applesauce started to…
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38 Million Minutes to Go It took me years to discover that I, alone, control the time I spend on earth--good Lord!
Like most people, I was born with 38,894,400 minutes to do with as I please before I depart this earth and embark on my journey into the next life. If I’m lucky, I’ll be reincarnated as a sexier model of my earthly self, with a chance to marry Amy Darowitz, have 10 kids, go to Harvard Law School and become…
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Better Living through Drug Addiction It's easy getting through life... as long as you have pill, syrup, lotion, cream, antacid, vitamins, tranquilizers, hormones, and suppositories
I’m hopelessly addicted to drugs. You name a pill, syrup, lotion, cream, antacid, vitamin, tranquilizer, hormone, douche or suppository and I’ve not only taken it, but I’ve abused it. Largely because I have an addiction. Anything worth taking is worth taking a lot. In all fairness, I can’t take the blame for my wayward behavior. It began the day I…
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Betty Crocker Means Good Nutrition What to do when you're too young, inept and lazy to feed yourself
As a rambunctious kid growing up in southern California, I was lucky enough to live at home under the loving dictatorship of two middle-income parents. In exchange for a few menial tasks like mowing the lawn, pulling weeds and cleaning out the septic tank, my parents gave me a comfortable place to live, a weekly allowance and sound nutrition through…
