Ah, parenting. The never-ending roller coaster of joy, chaos, and the occasional urge to hide in the bathroom for five days. It’s a wild ride filled with sticky fingers, endless questions, and the delicate art of mediation with tiny humans who possess the negotiation skills of a cagey divorce lawyer. It’s like trying to persuade a tornado to slow down and follow a meticulously planned path. Children have the uncanny ability to challenge the status quo and question the rules we hold dear. They’re masters of testing boundaries and seeking their own path. As they grow, their individuality and unique personalities emerge, sometimes leading them to question the very principles…
-
-
Eulogy for Stanko Mourning the loss of a man who left behind an indelible mark on our lives like the stains on his favorite armchair
We gather here today to mourn the loss of a man who has left an indelible mark on our lives, much like the stains he left on his favorite armchair. A man whose very name brings forth a cacophony of emotions — Stanko Fartski. As we stand here in this beautiful chapel, I can’t help but think that Stanko would have absolutely hated it. He was never one for fancy surroundings or anything remotely resembling good taste. In fact, I’m sure he would have preferred us to hold this service in Gutter Greta’s Grub & Grog where he spent most of his waking hours. Now, I know that many of you are…
-
Vaulting into the Cosmos Science's Greatest Minds Unravel the Secrets of Successful Pole Vaulting
Welcome to the latest edition of the Schrödinger’s Campus Chronicles, bringing you the most enlightening and perplexing news from our very own Royal Academy of Endurance and Agility. In our quest to unravel the mysteries of campus life, we have stumbled upon a challenge that has left even our most athletic students utterly bamboozled – the enigma of pole vaulting. You may ask, “But, what’s so complicated about launching oneself over a horizontal bar with the aid of a long, flexible pole?” Well, dear reader, it turns out that to conquer this seemingly straightforward feat, one must delve into the depths of physics, biology, and linguistics, seeking wisdom from some…
-
The Sideways Realm of the Wordily Wonkaverse What is absurdism? A conundrum wrapped in a riddle and stuffed into a tuba.
Once upon an upside-down tea party, in the sideways realm of the Wordily Wonkaverse - a place where adjectives dined on verbs and metaphors rode unicycles - there thrived a gnarled tree called Absurdia that bore fruit of a peculiar variety: the preposterously delightful absurditastic literaturaniums. As an author-slash-dodo-whisperer, I’ve nibbled on the juicy and jumbled offerings of the Absurdia tree, and now, my dear befuddled reader, I invite you to join me on this rollercoaster of words, where we shall uncover the whizbang wonders of absurdist literature, or literaturaniums, in layman’s terms. A Wild Whirligig Through Absurdism in Literaturaniums Absurdia, the twisted tree that sprouts the strange fruits of literaturaniums, thrives on the…
-
The Risks of Violins on Television Ways to reduce violins in the schools, churches and synagogues
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I come to you today with an urgent message. A message that is so important, it could change the course of humanity as we know it. I am, of course, talking about the rampant, uncontrollable, and downright offensive presence of violins on television. Yes, you heard me right. Violins. Those wretched, wooden, stringed monstrosities that have invaded our screens, our homes, and our very lives. It’s high time we took a stand against these sinister instruments and their incessant screeching. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But surely, violins aren’t that bad. They’re just a part of our culture, our music, our history!” But…