My tenth-grade science teacher was a short, ugly, middle-aged junkie who lived in the slums on the wrong side of town. But I’m not allowed to say that anymore. Instead, political correctness dictates that I write something like, “My high school pedagogue of advanced scientific theories was an unconventional-looking, vertically, and chronologically challenged male with a substance abuse dependency who lived in an economically deprived part of the propinquity. There. Does that sound better? Hmmm… Not to me. What set me off on this ridiculous diatribe was the deflating news that my favorite California ski resort is succumbing to pressure to change its name.[1] By the start of the next…
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You Won’t Be Getting a Birthday Card From Me I just don’t have the time
Next to having a root canal or prostate exam, I can’t imagine anything more abhorrent than spending an hour standing in front of a sea of birthday cards, trying to decide on the one that best says, “Happy birthday, Mom!” It’s not the cost. After all, most greeting cards will only lighten your wallet by a few bucks. No, it’s dog-paddling through the overwhelming tsunami of listless verbiage that makes me wish I had followed through with that experimental corneal transplant, afterall. To be fair, greeting card makers do try to help by dividing them into sections like, “For Dads,” “Baby’s First Year,” and “Humorous.” They’re meant to make the…
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Never Ask a Repairman What’s Wrong? They’re working hard to keep you in the dark
The dentist’s office is a place where I’ll go in for a simple tooth cleaning, and find out I need my entire jaw reconstructed. Plumbers have mastered the “long, slow whistle,” and auto mechanics are masters of, “Well, there’s good news and bad news.” Your computer repairman can lapse into a string of vernacular that would leave Stephen Hawking in the dust. The Ice Maker from Hell “Well, I can go ahead and connect the ice maker for you, but it’ll be expensive. When they delivered the refrigerator, they bent the female Stratten joint leading to the anode rod, causing the thermocoupler to rub against the angle stop.” “Now, I…
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Lies are Like Boomerangs No matter how talented you are at telling whoppers, eventually, they’ll come back to haunt you.
There’s only two people in your life you should lie to… the police and your girlfriend. – Jack Nicholson I’ve never told a lie. Now, that right there is a lie. But if you have, you know the sinking feeling of being caught like a deer in the headlights. The blood rushes from your head to your feet, you begin to hyperventilate and sweat profusely as you begin scrambling to tell another lie to cover up the one you just made up. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. The secret to getting away with lying is the same as throwing a boomerang. It revolves around three crucial elements…
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10 Ways to Use LinkedIn to Leverage Your Exposure and Find Work The movers and shakers of the business world share their secrets for publicizing your brand and find work
After the close of World War II, thousands of veterans flooded job markets all over the country in hopes of building new lives. During the 1950s, looking for work was markedly straight forward. You found jobs listed in the classified ads in local newspapers. Or, you registered with your local Unemployment Office. Sometimes, you might even find a job posting written on a 3 X 5 index card thumbtacked to the bulletin board inside your supermarket. With luck, you’d compete against a handful of candidates and eventually be asked to interview. If you were lucky, you got the job. A lot has changed since those days. How the job market…
