The Spudville Sentinel February 11, 2025 By Elmer Toadflap Published by The Spudville Sentinel Spudville, Nebraska In a move that has left both postal workers and environmentalists equally confused, the Trump administration announced the creation of the Department of Postal Security and Environmental Surveillance (DPSES). This revolutionary agency will merge the critical yet questionably connected functions of the United States Postal Service and the Environmental Protection Agency, ensuring your mail is safe and your forests feel seen. Standing proudly at a podium made entirely of recycled cardboard and undelivered letters, Acting Deputy Secretary of Unspecified Affairs, Hortense Clabberbucket, declared, “For too long, America has ignored the obvious link between stamp…

The Humble Gazette February 8, 2025 By Cornelius Hiram Sproggins Published by The Humble Gazette Humble, Nebraska In a move that has both baffled and astounded political analysts, the Trump administration has announced the creation of the Bureau of Outdoor Recreational Enforcement and Firearms Regulation (BOREFR), an agency that merges the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) with the National Park Service (NPS). This unexpected decision aims to, in the words of one White House aide, “streamline oversight on both guns and gophers.” While officials insist the new agency will increase efficiency, others are less convinced. Dr. Orville Thaddeus Grigsby, a self-proclaimed expert in “bureaucratic synergy” at Cornstalk…

The Corncob Gazette February 8, 2025 By Percival T. Hucklebrim Published by The Corncob Gazette Turtle Spit, Nebraska In a move hailed by some as “visionary” and by others as “deeply perplexing,” the Trump administration announced the creation of the Department of Entrepreneurial Narcotics Advancement (DENA), a groundbreaking fusion of the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) and the Small Business Administration (SBA). The aim, according to vaguely worded memos, is to “foster innovative synergies between controlled substances and entrepreneurial growth opportunities.” “This is exactly the kind of bold thinking we need in today’s competitive landscape,” declared Dr. Thaddeus Crumplewhit, Professor of Applied Bureaucratic Dynamics at the University of Upper Greater Southern…

The Frog Knuckle Post February 8, 2025 By Mortimer C. Higglebottom Published by The Frog Knuckle Post Frog Knuckle, Missouri In what officials are calling a “historic initiative with boundless potential,” the Trump administration has unveiled the Department of Cosmic Veteran Affairs (DCVA), a strategic partnership between National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) and the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). The department, according to the official statement, will “harness the limitless power of space to revolutionize veteran care through interstellar synergy.” “What if the key to healing PTSD is simply a lack of gravity? We don’t know, but that’s what makes this so exciting.” – Dr. Clarence Fiddlewaite Dr. Clarence…

The Crustwood Gazette January 15, 2025 By Orville T. Pendergrass Published by The Crustwood Gazette Crustwood, Iowa In an unexpected announcement that left both experts and regular people equally bewildered, the Trump administration has unveiled a groundbreaking new federal agency: the Department of Unified Nuclear Transportation and Regulatory Infrastructure (DUNTRI). This bold fusion of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC) and the Department of Transportation (DOT) aims to… well, something about streamlining radioactive logistics with enhanced regulatory coherence, or maybe vice versa. According to Dr. Thelma J. Splotnick, Professor of Applied Bureaucracy at the University of Greater Fargo, “This is a monumental step forward. Or backward. It’s hard to say without…