Like many other hook-ups on Match.com, my relationship with Alexa started out as a lark. I was lonely and depressed and thought a virtual relationship might be just the thing to pull me out of it. For those of you who aren’t familiar with her, Alexa is a cloud-based software application that acts as your virtual personal assistant and responds…
-
-
Billionaires in Space Sir Richard Branson becomes the first to complain about in-space food service and movies
Truth or Consequences, NM — After more than twenty years of planning and rigorous training, Sir Richard Branson became the first British civilian to fly into space today, onboard Virgin Galactic’s Unity22 spacecraft. But it didn’t come without its failures. “I knew things weren’t going right from the beginning,” said Branson. “I had to wait hours at the ticket counter…
-
We’ve Become Too Politically Correct! How Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs have pushed us over the edge
My tenth-grade science teacher was a short, ugly, middle-aged junkie who lived in the slums on the wrong side of town. But I’m not allowed to say that anymore. Instead, political correctness dictates that I write something like, “My high school pedagogue of advanced scientific theories was an unconventional-looking, vertically, and chronologically challenged male with a substance abuse dependency who…
-
Zooming Toward the Olympic Games This year Olympic athletes will be making history by competing from the comfort of their own homes
Lausanne, Switzerland — The International Olympic Committee has announced that in addition to banning all spectators in the upcoming Olympic Games in Tokyo, Japan, they will be banning all athletes from competing, as well. At least from the traditional venues. Current IOC President Thomas Bach announced yesterday, “While we are still moving ahead with the XXXIII Summer Olympics in Tokyo,…
-
I Only Have a Few Months to Live But my drooling has gotten much better!
Every morning before I open my eyes to the rest of the world, I convince myself this is the day I’m going to die. It has to be. Anyone who’s lived as crappy a life as I have is bound to be suffering from something that will fast track them to the pearly gates. But to get a better handle…
