Original Premise: The Terminator (1984) – “I’ll Be Back”
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s T-800 calmly assesses a police station before uttering the now-legendary catchphrase and returning moments later to obliterate everything in sight.
Opening Scene
A dimly lit police station, buzzing with the sound of ringing phones, clacking typewriters, and officers making coffee strong enough to dissolve metal. Desks are cluttered with paperwork, half-eaten donuts, and at least one goldfish in a coffee mug labeled “World’s Best Cop.”
At the front desk, a bored desk sergeant flips through an adult magazine titled Guns & Buns: The Quarterly Review of What’s Hot and Who’s Not. He barely looks up as the Terminator strides in, sunglasses on, leather jacket creaking ominously.
The Terminator approaches the desk, scanning the room like a Roomba with a vendetta.
Terminator: I am looking for Sarah Connor.
Desk Sergeant: (flipping a page) You and everybody else, buddy. Take a number.
The Terminator stares. A “Now Serving” sign above the desk flickers, showing the number 38. He glances at the ticket machine, pulls a ticket. Number 1,297.
He crushes the ticket in his hand.
Terminator: Where is she?
Desk Sergeant: (chewing gum) She’s being questioned. You can’t see her.
Terminator: I must see her.
Desk Sergeant: And I must finish this crossword puzzle. And yet, here we are, both disappointed.
The Terminator tilts his head, calculating something sinister. He looks at the desk, at the walls, then at the front door. His sunglasses catch the light dramatically.
Terminator: I’ll be back.
He turns and strides out the front door.
Desk Sergeant: I’ll be waiting with bated breath.
Moments later, the walls shake. The sound of an engine revving fills the air.
Desk Sergeant: (pausing) …huh.
Suddenly, the Terminator drives a massive Humvee straight through the police station’s glass entrance. Shattered glass and paperwork explodes in every direction. A vending machine tips over, landing on top of an officer who was about to put in a dollar. He crawls out, takes the free candy bar and walks away whistling.
The Terminator steps out of the Humvee , dusts off his jacket, and adjusts his sunglasses.
Terminator: I am back.
Desk Sergeant: I’m so happy!
The entire police station erupts into chaos. Officers scramble for their weapons. A guy carrying a case of paper clips trips, sending bazillions of the tiny metal projectiles flying through the air like deadly confetti. The water cooler struggles for life, flooding the floor. A panicked rookie yells into his radio.
Rookie Cop: We’re under attack! Send backup!
Radio Voice: Backup? What is it?
Rookie Cop: It’s a form of additional support, but we don’t have time for that now.
The Terminator methodically marches toward the hallway, ignoring the shouting officers behind him. He picks up a desk, uses it as a shield against gunfire, and then casually tosses it behind him, where it perfectly lands onto a furniture dolly.
Officer #1: He just picked up and threw a whole desk!
Officer #2: Who even does that?
In the Back Interrogation Room
Detective: Sarah, I need to ask you a few questions, OK?
Sarah: Go ahead. Shoot. Well, I mean…
Detective: Sarah, do you like movies about gladiators? Have you ever seen the inside of a men’s locker room?
Just then, the Terminator kicks open the door as a detective reaches for his coffee. The sudden door explosion sends the coffee flying into the air, landing directly into his cup holder.
Sarah Connor screams.
The Terminator grabs her by the arm, pulls her toward the exit as alarms blare and red lights flash. A detective runs out from an office holding a slice of birthday cake.
Detective: Can we not have a violent robot invasion for just one day? It’s my birthday!
Terminator: (grabbing a piece of cake) Happy birthday, baby.
He eats the cake. The detective looks furious.
Denouement and Closing Scene
The Terminator drags Sarah Connor outside as police sirens blare. He shoves her into a car, calmly hotwires it, and speeds off into the night.
Inside the station, officers stumble out from the wreckage. The front desk is upside down. The coffee maker is still brewing. The Now Serving sign somehow still works—Number 38 flickers mockingly.
The desk sergeant pulls himself from the wreckage, grabs his walkie-talkie, and sighs.
Desk Sergeant: We’re gonna need a bigger station.
Next up: Forrest Gump Runs Faster
